Survey Results: Top Stress Reduction Methods
In my last newsletter or what I lovingly refer to as the ‘museletter’ we asked a question to our readers, what is one way of reducing stress that you know helps but don’t use enough? All stress reduction strategies mentioned were proven methods to reduce stress. These strategies included: sleep, exercise, limiting alcohol, meditation, interrupting negative thoughts, connect socially, ask for help, set digital boundaries, create checklists, talk it out, go outside and min dance party. Many of you answered the poll and we were surprised at the top answers which were: talk it out, sleep, and limit alcohol. Expanding on this concept of reducing stress it makes sense to elaborate on each of these concepts. Each museletter one of these stress reducers will be featured.
Is Talking a Good Way to Manage Stress?
Why We Avoid Difficult Conversations
A lack of communication skills, past traumatic incidents, fear of being vulnerable, stigma of certain topics all play a role in why we don’t communicate openly, honestly and transparently. It’s hard…..let’s face it. Sometimes in the face of uncertainty it’s sometimes easier not to talk. What if we argue? What if we disagree? What if we have divergent beliefs? What if we are not taken seriously? What if we are rejected? Vulnerability is scary. However, is there healing in being heard?
Gender Differences in Communication
Men’s and women’s brains are wired differently. According to Psychology Today, the female brain has more wiring in areas such as social cognition (how we think about social situations and the people in them) and verbal communication. These reasons play a role in why women are better at empathizing with others. There is less connectivity in the male brain between their verbal centers, emotions and memories. They tend to be less effective communicators and have less interest in conversations. However, ‘talking it out’ is a key stress reduction strategy and men have less interest in conversing, in general. Let’s remember that socio-cultural factors are at play too so this concept can’t be generalized, per se.
Starting with Self-Reflection
I spent the bulk of July ‘working’ yet I did minimal ‘work’. We equate work with what we are paid to do. This July I focused on introspective work. We often focus on our physical selves ie. healthy eating, hydration, exercise yet our mental selves are often ignored. I spent a lot of time this July reflecting on my personal and professional triggers. We can’t control others’ actions, but we can control our reactions. Sometimes we lack awareness of our true feelings making talking it out with our partners, our children, our friends, our co-workers more difficult. The first open and honest conversation we need to have is with ourselves. Get clear on the emotion you’re feeling and the why behind it. Journaling can assist with this. Just write- you’re not being graded. Writing can have a cathartic effect. Once you’re clear on the emotion and the why don’t necessarily feel like you have to talk it out with whomever is triggering you ie. your partner, your boss. Talk it out with a friend first. A friend may validate what you have said; they may offer suggestions or phrases to use when you’re ready to have that difficult conversation; they may simply listen empathetically, or they may offer you a different viewpoint.
The Advice vs. Empathy Question
I recently keynoted with one of my favourite and most requested keynotes, Thriving Through Uncertainty (Tina Varughese speaker demo https://youtu.be/DVNW1tsYk5Q?si=bOeD0tDMRanh2KG1 ) In the feedback form one of the participants wrote a great quote that she and her husband use when sharing a frustration with the other person. The partner asks, ‘would you like advice or empathy?’. She says this simple question goes a long way. There are times we simply want to be heard; need a hug or a shoulder to lean on. Yet, sometimes we seek sound advice; another opinion; or someone simply to challenge our mindset.
